By Don Rickers
Over my career as a big-school admission director and small-school headmaster, I have met with thousands of prospective boarding students and their parents. Polite conversation usually involved remarks about the school’s beautiful and well-equipped campus, comprehensive academic and co-curricular programs, laudable university placement, and rich cultural diversity amongst the student body.
But the most revealing discussions took place at Alumni Weekend or Homecoming, when graduates returned to the school to reconnect with their classmates and teachers. Most were enjoying success at university or in their chosen career. When I asked about the experiences that were most transformational during their boarding school years, many commented that they benefited immensely by having the courage to stretch their “comfort zone”.
Some had competed in new sports: rowing, hockey, rugby, lacrosse. Others had learned to swim, ski, skate, or scuba dive. Some became proficient in a musical instrument or learned a foreign language. (One confided that he joined the choir because “that’s where the prettiest girls were”.)
We all know that stretching prior to exercise is important. It warms the muscles, increases circulation, and oxygenates the brain for clear focus. We perform better and are more resilient once we have stretched our bodies. And it is important to stretch regularly to obtain the full benefits.
Stretching our comfort zone is equally critical to our long-term prosperity and happiness.
Comfort zones are mental boundaries we set for ourselves so as to preserve a sense of security. Teenagers generally don’t want to subject themselves to risk of failure, embarrassment, or ridicule. It is understandable that international students, presented with cultural and language barriers and little experience with North American traditions, choose to stay somewhat aloof, to huddle on the sidelines with others who share their background…in their comfort zone.
Unfamiliarity breeds caution. But having the courage to take that first small step into the unknown is worth the risk. So, embrace your new school’s traditions and ethos.
Socially, international students must remind themselves that boarding schools are filled with many new students each year, all wanting to make friends and be popular. It takes courage to put a smile on your face and walk up to a stranger and introduce yourself….but once you have done it, you will have the confidence to do it again, and again. Share personal stories. Tell classmates about your family, where you grew up, your values and heroes and dreams. Invite them to sample some of your native meals. Look for opportunities to reach out and make connections.
One bit of advice: even as you stretch yourself beyond your comfort zone and grow in confidence as you revel in new experiences, never forget your roots. Have a photo of your family in your room to remind you of home. I think it is especially important to have a picture of your parents — maybe even your grandparents — on the desk where you study. Not only do they love you and cheer for your success, they are also heavily committed financially in your education. They view it as a sound investment. Prove them right!
Don Rickers is a retired educator living in Niagara, who worked in university and boarding school enrollment management for over three decades.
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